Whether you are experiencing suspicion from your
mate or you are the suspicious party yourself... suspecting every move and
action of your partner in a relationship - you will discover ways to overcome
suspicion in this article:
Imagine, you are standing at the window of your
bedroom looking out admiring the dusk... that magical time of the evening when
the bright orange orb of the sun has just gone down to dreamland, and the rays
are still lighting up the sky, it is not completely dark, yet it is not light
either...
A car comes gently cruising up the street,
and stops in front of your front gate as if dropping some one there. The
passenger seems in no hurry to alight. The two people in the car are laughing
and talking intimately. You can't hear them but you can see their silhouettes
against the dusky evening. And then you suddenly realize, it's your wife in
there with some strange man you don't know!
You get a bit excited and anxious, who is that
man? why isn't your wife coming out? what are they talking about? why are they
laughing? and then it hits you... Is she cheating on me?!?!
A full ten minutes later she walks in. She has a
sparkle in her eyes and her lipstick is a little bit smeared out... You let the
matter rest and she doesn't volunteer any information either.
Yet those thoughts are simmering in your
mind, tunneling through your neurons, corrupting your hard drive just like a
mind virus. You try to quite your thoughts , yet you can't ... Life goes on like
normal on the surface, even though you are seething underneath... How dare she do that to me? I
am going to get back at her? I'll show her, just wait!
A few days later, both of you are at the mall
grocery shopping, and this tall guy comes up and says "Hi..." to your wife with
a big smile. Your blood starts racing. Your wife smiles back and says: "Hello
Jack, how is Cathy?" ...
And then almost as an after thought she adds: "
Oh... this is Tim, my husband". "Tim this is Jack from work..."
On the way home, you simply can't hold back any
longer and ask barely controlling your voice... "is this the guy who dropped you home the other day?" and she says,
"oh yes, Jack lives just down by the next street from ours, we were leaving work
at the same time, since my car was at the garage, he offered to drive me home".
Okay so the mystery of the dark stranger is
solved, yet the suspicions simply don't leave you... they have created a strong
foot hold in your mind. It's almost as if you don't want to let them go...
Why is she so friendly with Jack? Didn't
Jack appear a little taken aback when she introduced him to me? What's going on?
Do they think they can get away with this?
Hey stop! Don't let your suspicious mind and over
excited imagination run away with you. You are judging people based on
your imagination or 'perceived truth'. The way you are interpreting things may
be quite different from reality.
Here is how to Handle Suspicion:
1. To overcome suspicion, you first have to
understand the nature of the suspicious mind - The suspicious mind is suffering
from deeply ingrained insecurities acquired during childhood possibly due to
acute feelings of insecurity and fears acquired from over-controlling, unloving
or unpredictable relationship with parents or care givers. Hence the suspecting
mind is interpreting the world through the frame of feelings of inadequacy, fear
of loss, low self image, feeling unloved or insecure.
The suspicious personality is judging people by
projecting their own insecurities on to them... hence if they see their wife or
partner laughing or talking to someone... they feel threatened and their mind
starts 'pointing accusatory fingers' and cry 'cheating'-- Even thought it
is their own feelings of low self image, lack of confidence and fear of loss that
is making them interpret an honest every day event in such a manner.
2. Now if you are a victim of a suspicious mind...
ie. experiencing suspicion and accompanying harshness at the hands of someone
else... Here is what you can do :
-
Work on developing trust with that person...
explain your own feelings and actions to that person in detail. Take them into
confidence and tell everything.
-
Open the channels of honest communication --
Listen -- really listen to that persons fears and feelings and help
him/her to view things differently.
-
Be sympathetic, understanding and appreciative of
that person to gain their confidence.
-
Love and emotionally support that person as much
as you can - if you really love that person, you can help him/her overcome their
deeply ingrained insecurities.
-
Make that suspecting person listen to
Overcome Jealousy
and
Incredible Self Esteem