How To Stop a Breakup:
Your
relationship with your spouse or partner is in tatters. You are on the
verge of breakup or separation but you realize that you want to give it a
second chance... You want to stop your break up NOW, and get back into a
happy, loving relationship with your spouse or partner.
You do
realize that you love your spouse or partner and the issues you have are
merely trivial... nothing that cannot be solved with open honest
communication between the two of you. Here are three steps that you need
to work on systematically:
1. First you need to get very clear on
the issues that are holding your relationship hostage and how you can
solve them to stop your break up
Here you need to get a pen and a notepad or
sheets of paper and write out the answers to the following questions:
a. What is the problem? Make a list of each
problem you think is affecting your relationship.
b. What are the possible solutions to this
problem? For each item on your list of problems in (a) above,
you are going to list all the possible solutions and describe in detail
how each one will affect you... including if you were to breakup and go
your separate ways.
c. From the above list, decide upon the
solutions you are prepared to accept.
2. Next, you
need to Convince your spouse or partner that you really love him/her and
want to resolve the issues and have a good long enduring relationship with
him / her.
a. Go find your partner, and apologize for
your lack of sensitivity and understanding of the issues or for your part
in aggravating the situation. Say you are sorry for any harsh words said
or actions taken.
b. Say that you realize that you still love
him/her and want to repair your damaged relationship so that you can live
together happily ever after.
c. Say that you want his/her understanding,
support and advice in resolving the issue once and for all.
d. Do what it takes to convince him/her to
work on this relationship with you.
3. Both of you need to sit down and work
on understanding and resolving the issues together to be able to
successfully stop a breakup.
a. ask your partner to do the getting clear
process outlined in step 1 above: make a list of problems he/she thinks is
affecting your relationship; what are the possible solutions in his/her
opinion, and how can he/she resolve it.
b. Now both of you look at each others lists
and try to work together amicably on how you can resolve the issues that
are bothering you both.
c. Remember to leave your egos behind while
you are reading each others lists... no harsh words; no blaming; no anger;
no hatred; just read through each others lists amicably, acknowledging
what the other felt the problems in your relationship are and each of you
try to do your part to make the other happy. Sit together as friends,
laughing at each others lists and working out the best possible solution.
d. Remember every solid relationship is
based on a give and take... you need to be able to forgive, forget and
sometimes even accommodate some trivialities that are in truth non issues.
You need to allow certain lee-ways for each
others quirks. You need to respect each other's need for individuation. Do
not try to control, compel or coerce. Love unconditionally and your life
will be successful.
4. Be persistent and keep working to Stop
Your Break-up
You might not be able to solve your
relationship problems or stop your break up in just one day. YOu have to
work on it over a period of time. I suggest that both you and your partner
listen to
Incredible Self Esteem
and
Win Friends and INfluence People
tapes or cd's, these
will help you overcome your relationship issues faster.
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