Secrets of A Loving Relationship -- A Soulful Relationship
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are
married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on
it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes
open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let
lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and
don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as
faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If
you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've
got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,
values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals
- children of God - who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you
bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring
past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take
someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love
you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or
responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the
ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship!
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in
a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household
tasks, some getaway time without business or children. And daily
exchanges: a meal, a shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note. Leave
a
nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email.
Share common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together,
not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without
feeling insecure. Don't try to control one another. Allow your mate to have
outside interests. You can't always be together. The difference between
'united' and 'untied' is where you put the i.
Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment.
Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember 'for
richer or for poorer.'
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the
passion.
[Contributed by Carlos Zaragoza]
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This article is being
presented here in good faith with the express written permission
of the contributor to share it far and wide given in the opening
paragraph.... With the hopes that it will be helpful advise to all
those who need it.... special thanks and much abundance to the
author and contributor.
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