How To Handle
Conflict In A Relationship
By Porche Reingold
It does not matter whether you are dating, newlyweds, or a
couple that has been married for years. Conflicts will
inevitably occur in relationships, and healthy conflicts are a
sign of a healthy relationship. Many of us refuse to engage in
healthy conflict, however, insisting instead that we are right
and the other person wrong in the strongest possible terms.
This type of black-and-white view must be avoided in order to
maintain a healthy and stable relationship.
The first step in handling conflict is knowing what your
buttons are, and those of your spouse or partner. Most people
will have conflict in one of three big areas, finances, sex,
and raising kids. When these important topics come up (and they
inevitably will) it is important that both of the participants
in the discussion be aware that this area has a long history of
causing conflict in the relationship, and begin the discussion
with the resolve to try and see the other person’s point of
view and present your own in a logical manner.
When conflict arises, avoid negating the other person’s point
of view. Do not take the stance of “I just know”. Try to
demonstrate why it is you think what you are stating, and
listen carefully when your partner offers a rebuttal.
Demonstrate that you have listened to what they have to say by
repeating some of their statement.
Try to stay on topic- that is, discussing the immediate
problem- as much as possible. Try not to make blanket
statements such as “You always do this” or other harmful
sayings. Also, do not ever degenerate into name calling. Even
using strong language in the form of swear words will tend to
cause the other person to shut out any message you are trying
to send. Avoid any physical forms of intimidation, as people
are naturally inclined to become defensive in such scenarios.
This is particularly hard for men, who may not realize that
what they think may be just outletting their frustration (ie
slamming a hand on a table) is actually very intimidating to
their partner.
There are definite deal breakers when it comes to conflict.
Neither partner should ever physically approach the other in an
argument, especially when it is becoming a heated one. If the
argument is really degenerating, it is very important to have
the strength to walk away for a cool down period- odds are you
are way off topic anyway by that point, and nothing at all will
be resolved.
The final outcome in a conflict within a relationship should be
that you and your partner are reconciled to each other. The
problem must be solved within a reasonable time, the best is
before the day is out. Letting problems fester is the worst
possible route to take, as the conflict will inevitably occur
again in the future. Finally, be prepared to say you are sorry,
it will show that you care more about the relationship than the
issue.
About The Author: Porche Reingold maintains a website dedicated
to helping people improve their relationships. Visit her site
at:
http://healthyloverelationships.com
More Relationship Communication | Communication Problem in Relationship Articles:
|