Rebuilding
trust after cheating or infidelity
How
to forgive an unfaithful cheating partner and rebuild trust
Rebuilding marital trust after cheating or
infidelity can be hard. It requires active participation from both
partners.
1. Both of you need to be able to
forgive and forget the past episodes of cheating or infidelity. to make
this easy for you read my article on
How to Deal With
Relationship Issues after Cheating and Make up? .
Here are some spiritual ways on how to
forgive a cheating partner:
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It's basically that every time you
get some negative thoughts in your mind replace them with positive
thoughts.
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Every time you catch yourself
thinking about the cheating by your spouse , simply affirm : 'Spouse
Name' I forgive you and give you Unconditional love. Repeat this mantra
as many times as you need to.
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Start Visualizing yourself and your
partner enjoying each other's company and having fun together. Here you
may check out
Subliminal Video
software for help with this procedure. Their images are great for happy
relationship visualizations.
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Start focusing on the positive qualities
in your spouse or partner.
2. Next you have to overcome issues of
suspicion - every time your husband or wife is away from home without your
knowledge, is late from work, does not answer your telephone, talks to
someone, or does anything that seems out of the ordinary - you may get
suspicious and start having doubts - Here remember both of you are working
on it together -- so your partner has to reassure you about his or her
whereabouts and you have to give him/her sufficient leeway and
understanding. Here it is a good idea that both of you listen to some self
esteem tapes and Win Friends and Influence People tapes together
Self
Help Audio CD's
3. Resentment, fear, suspicion and anger
weaken and exhaust a relationship. You have to overcome these - Give
attention, show appreciation, focus on the good in every situation and
have faith. Don't nag. Don't discuss your marital issues with relatives or
friends unless if you are seriously seeking advice. Show mutual respect ,
project happiness and trust.
4. Let Go and Let God --
Stop controlling every situation on a physical plane and have some
confidence or trust in 'higher power' or 'God' that everything will work
out for the best -- Read the article below, which demonstrates the
phenomenon of rebuilding trust after cheating infidelity by an unfaithful
partner.
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More Rebuilding Relationship Trust Articles:
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Free From Me
By Nicole Cleveland
After all we’d been through, taking my
husband back was the easy part. Rebuilding trust was so much harder.
In January 2005 my husband and I reconciled.
I told myself that I would never take him back if he cheated again,
especially if he got her pregnant.
But to tell the truth, I have learned to never say never.
Especially when God has the final say.
I remember telling my mother-in-law that the chapter of my life with her
son was over and that I was closing that chapter forever. Now, my
husband’s mother is one of those COGIC, older, hat wearing, sanctified,
mothers of the church, who also happens to be an Evangelist. She is sweet
as peach cobbler, but do not mess with her in the spirit. She calmly said
in a very soft whisper, “But did God say the chapter was over? Until He
says it’s over, it ain’t over baby”.
“Goodbye Mom.” I hung up the phone.
Many of our conversations ended that way. She had a way of telling me what
I didn’t want to hear. And it always seemed to come at all the wrong
times. She would even call me at 5 in the morning, pray for me, and end
with the phrase, “Thus saith the Lord and it is done”. Then she would just
hang up. Thinking back on that day makes me smile because I have learned
that again-- it’s not about me.
I know I obeyed God and agreed to reconcile, but was I ready for the
journey that I was about to go on? It has been 2 years and I am just now
becoming truly free. It does not happen overnight. It is a process.
“I am free… Praise the lord I’m free… No longer bound… No more chains
holding me…. My soul is resting…. It’s just a blessing…. Praise the Lord
Hallelujah I’m free…”
I first heard that song over 12 years ago, sung by my sister-in-law, with
a sweet angelic voice, before a sermon preached by my mother-in-law. I
didn’t know at the time how much it would truly minister to me and be a
part of my healing all these years later. The average person would assume
the words to that song are about someone who is locked behind bars,in jail
or chained up. You could also make the assumption that
it refers to someone who has passed on to be with the Lord (“My soul is
resting”). But none of those interpretations apply to how the song
ministers to me. My freedom is within. It has nothing to do with my
husband but everything to do with me. I had to work on me.
The voices in my head, the anxiety and the torture let me know that a war
was taking place inside me. No, I wasn’t loony or crazy but I could have
easily become that way, so I don’t take it for granted. I thank the Lord
daily for waking me up in my right mind. No, I was my own biggest enemy.
Peace in my mind is what I pray for daily because I truly would have lost
my mind if I didn’t have God on my side. That is one thing I would not
trade for any amount of money. What good is having money if you don’t have
peace of mind? You can’t buy peace and if you could, it would expire.
Plus-- anything purchased can be exchanged.
“Where you going?”
“What time will you be back?”
“Are you taking the kids with you?”
Those are some of the questions I had to ask when my husband wanted to go
somewhere after we reconciled. What is trust? In the dictionary trust is
confidence, belief, assurance, certainty and faith.
My son went practically everywhere his father did when he first returned
home. He didn’t do it because I made this rule; my husband did it to
reassure me, and maybe to reassure himself.
When my husband first came home (and still to this day), he did everything
in his power to make me feel at ease. He called everyday at the same time
when he was at work. He would stay on the phone with me each time he was
out of my presence. He called on his way to work and on his way from work.
He would call me during every break he had when he was at work. It was a
huge effort on his end. And I know it must have taken a toll.
On my end it was torture. Not when he called but those times when he
couldn’t call.
My heart would start beating really fast. Thoughts would flood my mind.
He would come home 5 minutes late and I turned into a television drama
show detective.
He did everything in his power to assist me in rebuilding my trust. The
funny thing is, he was doing all that he knew how to do on his end. But
once trust has been shattered it’s gone for good. Trust for me had lost
the ‘T’. It was no longer TRUST but RUST. That’s how I felt, it was rusty,
like something metal that had been sitting in the rain for years and was
no longer good for anything.
On the outside I had it together but on the inside the war was taking
place. It was me against. me. It was personal. It was within.
I forgot to tell him something one morning so I called his phone.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
No answer.
Voice mail.
Ok, now the war in my mind has called in more troops. It’s on now.
“Where is he?”
Who is he with?”
“He doesn’t love me.”
“He is at it again.”
My stomach started to turn, and more thoughts came to my mind.
“Why did I take him back?”
“This is too much for me.”
“I am going to tell him I can’t do this.”
Ring. He called me back a few minutes later. I answered on the first ring.
Here comes that crazy tongue.
Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold,
how great a matter a little fire kindleth! (James 3:5)
“Where were you?”
“What were you doing?”
“Why did it take you 5 minutes to call me back?”
Very patiently he said, “Whoa, um Nicole, I was working and it is 10:30am.
I love you.”
“Oh.”
We hung up. I never told him what I originally wanted.
Sounds crazy huh? This is just one of the episodes that let me know that
this was bigger than me. The truth was, it was only 10:30 am and he was
working.
The process begins.
I then began to pray this prayer each day: “Lord keep him, if You don’t
keep him than he just can’t and won’t be kept”. I couldn’t watch him all
the time, but the angels could. I had to turn it over to my heavenly
Father who gave me peace when I was alone. After all it was his Father
too. So I went to Daddy on him.
MY RESUME
Then I looked back over my spiritual resume. I keep a resume on what God
has delivered me from. These are things I know without a shadow of a
doubt. “If it had not been for the Lord on my side I would not have made
it.” And this was one of those times. I reviewed my ‘peace’ section and
saw how He calmed me, and kept me in my right mind when my husband had
walked away. Surely He would do it for me now. Then I decided that God
brought me to far to lose it now. He walked with me through one of the
roughest periods in my life and I refuse to allow all the work he did to
me and for me to be deleted from my spiritual resume. No one, not even me,
has the right to take it from me and have it removed from my resume. It
was sacred to me. The Lord restored my peace and I was not going to allow
it to be taken from me. It was precious; a gift that could not be
purchased and could never be sold.
As women, we love very hard but when we hurt-- we hurt hard.
In the beginning I thought my husband had to do all the work in rebuilding
my trust. What I had to realize was that it was MY trust, so it was MY
issue. He couldn’t change anything that had to do with me. And I could not
change him. He could set the atmosphere, but ultimately I (with the Lord’s
help) had to decide to trust again. Not rebuild that old trust which was
rusted and good for nothing. I had to allow God to give me a brand new
trust and that meant that I must first commit my husband, my marriage and
my family to Him. Then somebody made the mistake of telling me that God
was a keeper of all things. So since I have committed them, now He must
keep them.
Guard your spiritual resume. When you are struggling in an area, go to it
and review your sections. If you don’t have one, create one, even if you
commit it to memory.
Do you have a peace section?
I do.
About The Author: Nicole Cleveland is founder of Breathe Again Magazine
Online. She is on a mission to empower, encourage and motivate women by
posting real life articles of women overcoming adversity.
http://www.breatheagainmagazine.com
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