How do I Cope With a Marital Separation
Marital separation can be of two kinds -
The temporary separation period that happens
just before a break up or reconciliation.
The relationship is still
intact, however the two partners have agreed to spend a period of time
away from each other. This type of marital separation is designed to
give both the partners breathing space away from each other. This gives
them time and space to help them understand their breakup, and analyze
their feelings about the relationship and about each other. Do they really
love each other, Do they want to continue in the relationship, Do they
want to reconcile or save the marriage or relationship - on what terms and
conditions will they accept a reconciliation? These are questions both the
partners need to explore from an independant perspective without having
each other breathing down their necks and driving them crazy. The
temporary separation gives them time to really understand their
relationship.
The ultimate separation or divorce / break
up
This happens when both or either one of the
parties simply refuses to reconcile and insists on a complete separation.
The ways to cope with a Relationship Separation
depend on whether it is of the temporary variety or the ultimate breakup
and separation.
It was just one single event - a few months
or years of your life - yet you were so completely engaged emotionally
that you now have to learn to cope with and overcome or manage the
feelings of guilt, regret, anger, jealousy or even hatred without falling
into depression yourself.
In most relationships a certain kind of
co-dependency has been created between the two partners - They are relying
a lot on each other. When a separation happens, the partners have to learn
to be independent and self reliant all over again. Hence you may need to
empower yourself with doses of self confidence or self esteem to help you
get over it.
You will have to learn to find ways to keep
yourself absorbed or occupied without feeling lonely, miserable or missing
the partnership. And you will have to find ways to stop being obsessed
with your past relationship or to stop thinking about your time with your
ex, or even about obsessing about your ex... whether it be sexual fantasy,
hatred, anger, need for revenge, guilt or regrets.
You so need to learn to eliminate all that
trashy self talk or mind chatter that is holding you hostage, and learn to
start over with a clean slate.
Yes, you need to face the world with a
strong positive attitude, that is the only way you will be able to survive
your marital breakup.
Remember the past is gone and will
never come back. So get out of the past into the present. Disengage
yourself. Don't let the past mar your present. It's over and you have to
let it go and move on. Wipe your slate clean and start looking forward.
Your whole life is waiting, and you can't let just a few 'months or years'
of your past destroy your future.
So move on. Let the energy flow. Yes
feelings are just a state of energy that you are holding on to. Crappy
energy that is blocking your mind and your life. Release it. Ease it out
of yourself gently. Replace the crappy energy with happy energy. Just like
you would untangle your hair with a comb, use some effective self help
tools to gently untangle the knots from your mind. Else, the crappy energy
and pressure in your mind and life is going to keep building up until it
will reach a point where you will 'blow your top like a volcano'.
You will fall into depression, misery and sickness. Don't let just one bad
relationship destroy your life. Here are some recommended resources to
help you move on:
How to Cope with Marital Separation| Coping
With Separation , Divorce and Break Up - More Articles:
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The
Author Shahnaz Rauf is a prolific writer with vast experience and
interests.
To find out more or contact her, use the contact
information at her website
http://www.snzeport.com
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