Coping With
Jealousy in Relationships - Jealousy and Break Up
"Jealousy is
always a mask for fear. Fear that we are not able to get what we want, and fear
that somebody else seems to be getting what is "rightfully" ours"..... Dr.
Anthony - RAndom Wisdom
A jealous person is a fearful person... a person
whose relationships are governed more by a fear of loss or rejection. He or she
does not operate from a position of trust, love and acceptance in a relationship
but rather from a position of trying to protect his or her own self interests.
The threat of sexual betrayal or a mere whiff of a feeling that your partner has
an interest in another can trigger feelings of jealousy and suspicion amounting
to a lack of trust in your partner or spouse. The jealous person
responds to these emotions by exhibiting the following behaviors:
1. Need to control - you feel a need to
control every action of your spouse or partner... where he/she goes, what he/she
does, whom does he / she associate with, how does he/she spend his money, what
does he/she say, how does he/she dress etc. You feel the need to control every
aspect of your spouse or partner's life. In extreme cases, this need may amount
to physical or verbal abuse.
2. Feelings of insecurity - You experience a dent
in your self worth, and feel threatened every time your partner associates or
even talks to another even though it may be as innocent as a work related issue.
You interpret every situation as a reflection on your own personal limitations.
And act accordingly.
3. Fear of loss - You are scared of losing this
relationship, scared that you will not be able to get another and are
desperately hanging on, or doing everything you can to please your partner,
irrespective of the way he/she is treating you, or whether your behavior or
actions are in alignment with your feelings or not or even control your partner
due to fear of loss and rejection.
4. Self absorption - you are so self absorbed in
your own feelings, beliefs and attitudes that you don't really pay attention to
the needs, and feelings of your husband, wife or partner. You develop an
attitude of being a 'blamer' or 'fault finder' and become insensitive to your
spouse or partner's feelings or needs.
When a breakup happens, the jealous partner
experiences trauma not due to the pain of separation from his /her beloved , but
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due to feelings of desperation,
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due to feelings of having lost a prized
possession,
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due to feelings of no longer having control
over their spouse or partner.
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They are acting in trauma due to having
realized their worst fears.
Since their self worth was already dented,
it is now in total smithereens. These are the personalities who will react by
going into rage seeking varying degrees of revenge... to the extent of even
hurting their spouse or partner .
In total contrast, trust in a relationship amounts to
certainty... certainty
that you can rely on your partner whatever happens. You believe in whatever
he/she does, you don't feel threatened, don't act out of jealousy or suspicion,
or don't experience a fear of loss or rejection. In trust, you are operating
from a point of power and your self worth is at an all time high.
Coping with Jealousy in a relationship
If you find yourself in a relationship with
a jealous partner, here is how to cope in such a relationship:
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First you have to realize that you are dealing
with an emotionally strung highly insecure personality. If you really care about
your partner and wish to continue in the relationship, then you are taking on a
responsibility of trying to heal your partner's emotional and psychological
issues without hurting yourself in the process.
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As a first step convince your partner to work on
building his/her self esteem, and overcoming jealousy. theire are various high
quality tapes and cd's and self hypnosis available in the market for such
issues. Some good ones are
Incredible Self Esteem;
Supreme Confidence ;
Overcome Jealousy
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Next take every opportunity to convince your
partner of your own trust, love and belief in him or her.
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Try to put to rest any fears that he or she has
about losing you. Confirm your faithfulness to the relationship and re-affirm
your love to him or her whenever needed.
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If you find that your partner is not responding to
your efforts, you may try convincing him or her to seek professional therapy.
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If you feel that nothing seems to work and you
find yourself at the receiving end of your partners constant negational behavior
- remember that you are under no obligation to endure such behavior - give your
partner the ultimatum to either try his or her best effort to change or end the
relationship.
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Here are some more articles you can read about how
to deal with jealousy in relationships:
Coping with Jealousy - Jealousy in
Relationships - How to Deal with Jealousy - More Articles:
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