Learning From
a Relationship Break Up
By
Robert Elias Najemy
A divorce, separation or, in general, any loss of an
important relationship is a painful experience. Such pain
can seriously diminish our peace and happiness. We can,
however, use this inner discomfort for our spiritual
benefit. If we are thinking of separating, there are many
lessons we need to examine before we can come to the
conclusion that we must separate from someone. But if the
other leaves us or this separation has already happened, we
might be able to benefit from the following.
1. Our first lesson is to examine our behavior to see how
we might have contributed to the problem. Only in this way
can we create a new healthy relationship if we chose to.
In relation to this we might want to examine the
following:
a. We may have been criticizing, complaining, rejecting or
otherwise causing the other to feel unaccepted.
b. We may have been seeking continual affirmation in ways
that may have been tiring for the other.
c. Our fears may have been causing us to be over sensitive
and annoying.
d. Perhaps we were playing games of power, who is right or
who is more successful.
e. We might have been playing roles such as the child, the
parent, the savior, the holy one, the rebel, the teacher or
some other role which may have affected the other’s
behavior.
f. We may have guilt feelings that were making us
vulnerable to the other’s words or behaviors.
g. Perhaps we were not communicating our needs clearly and
effectively as an adult and were suppressing ourselves or
complaining, criticizing or threatening.
h. We might have been projecting onto the other our
childhood or other experiences.
i. The other might have been reflecting back to us our
lack of self-esteem or self-respect.
j. We may have attachments that were coming between us.
k. We may have inner conflicts, which were reflecting back
to us from the other.
2. We may need to learn to love the other in spite of his
or her behavior, regardless of whether we stay with that
person or not.
3. We can discover that we can live without this person and
that happiness, security and love are internal states that
are always within us, if only we allow ourselves to
experience them.
4. We can use this opportunity to develop greater inner
strength so as to feel confident and able to face whatever
may come to us in the game of life.
5. Most of us will need to change our self-image. We need
now to learn to accept, love and respect ourselves more, so
that we do not create the same problem in our next
relationship or in life in general.
6. By directing our energies in a spiritual direction and
developing a relationship with God - the Universal Being,
we are no longer so vulnerable or so dependent on others
for our feelings of security and self-worth.
7. We may also need to learn that the other’s decision to
leave may not be a rejection at all. He or she may love and
respect us dearly but be forced by other needs to seek
happiness elsewhere.
Our lessons might be separated into five categories:
1. We might need to learn to communicate more effectively,
assertively and lovingly.
2. Perhaps we need to let go of some attachments, which are
increasing our conflicts with others and diminishing our
happiness.
3. Examine our behaviors that might be annoying the other.
4. Free ourselves from subconscious programmings, which
limit our self-esteem and ability to attract the behaviors
that we deserve.
5. Develop inner feelings of security, self worth and
freedom.
Once our happiness, security and love have become
internalized, we can experience unconditional love.
Although we need to make every possible step to heal our
relationships, if and when a relationship breaks down,
there is still much we can learn.
Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30
years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and
now does so over the Internet.
Over 600 free articles, lectures, relaxation and positive
projection as mp3 audio. Become a life coach.
At
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/
Self Help Tapes and CD's for Dealing
With
Relationship breakups :
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