How to deal with difficult Parents / teenager /
Mother-in-law / spouse or partner - A Spiritual Approach
Sometimes it just happens, the person you are
having to deal with is driving you crazy. Yet you have no option but to deal
with this person as best you can. You can't just leave him or her right there
and walk out of your social obligations. Yes, I call such situations social
obligations, where you don't have the privilege of choice to walk out of the
situation and end it all right there. For instance,
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You might be caring for aging or old parents.
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You might be dealing with a difficult kid or
teenager.
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You might be dealing with a difficult spouse or
partner
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Or You might be dealing with a difficult
mother-in-law or other relatives.
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Or maybe even an impossible boss may be driving
you crazy.
Although In the last three situations described
above, you do have a partial choice... I call it partial because it comes with
it's terms... you can walk away from it but it could come at the cost of a
relationship breakup or the loss of a job.
However in situations where you are caring for
your old parents or unruly teenager, you are stuck in a bittersweet situation.
They are driving you crazy, yet you can't bring yourself to walk away or can't
even seem to have the power to convince them otherwise.
Even the teenager situation is a bit within your
league, because in this instance you hold the 'parental authority' or the 'purse
strings' and can find ways to make your message heard.
On the other hand, with your mom or dad who
have grown old, frail or even sick and their various experiences with age have
made them extremely bitter, negative, verbally aggressive or controlling or
demanding. You are at the receiving end of their constant negative comments and
/or verbal aggressiveness or even abuse. Yet you cannot bring yourself to leave
them, however agonizing or tormenting their words may be.
You keep on doing your best for them, yet they
keep on finding fault.
Sometimes you try to talk sense into them and make
them see things from your point of view, yet they are so set in
their ways that they even refuse to be swayed by anyone and they take your words
as a personal attack on them.
You often resolve to be kind to them and not to
take their verbal stings personally, yet they drive you so that you end up
reacting in ways or saying things you later regret. These cause a lot of guilt
feelings and pain to you.
Yes, they are refusing to accept the changes of
age with grace. And yes you are stuck in a bittersweet situation... you love
them because they're your mom or dad. You feel responsible for them at this
stage in their life, yet you are finding it impossible to survive with them.
They are driving you nuts. Making you feel guilty, miserable and stuck. Probably
even making you lose your self esteem or feelings of self worth. This might even
be affecting your personal relationships or your career and definitely your
happiness and joy of living.
Here is how to deal with difficult parents or any
other person in your life:
[Here I am using 'parents' as a base frame,
however the methods are equally applicable to all other relationships].
Take some time off from 'parenting your parents'
... if you are fortunate enough to have other caring siblings, you might take a
small break from looking after your parents and share the responsibility with
them. However, sometimes this is not possible. In such situations a 'spiritual
break' will work fine or even better, here is how you go about it:
1. Feel the Love flow through YoU -
Recall the times when you were little and your parents were in charge - they fed
you, changed you, played with you, took care of you when you were sick,
sometimes stayed up all night when you were in pain, or worked hard to get money
for you... and in general did the best they knew how for you. So realize that
they did the best they could possibly do for you, within their own personal
limitations and understandings. So feel thankful or grateful towards them. When
you start reviewing all your life situations with a positive tinge, feeling
gratefulness, you will automatically feel love and compassion for your parents
flowing through your heart. PS: If it is your boss you are dealing with, simply
imagine that he is acting in the best interest of the company, or whatever the
relationship simply consider that the person is doing the best he/she is capable
of and project love.
2. Realize that each person is on their
very own path of spiritual growth. Just like some students in a class learn
very fast and move on, while others are slow in learning, same is for spiritual
growth. You do not have the right to judge anyone based on their spiritual or
emotional levels. So please stop judging your parents words or actions as good
or bad. Everything is right based on where they stand in their spiritual path
right now.
3. Whatever anyone is experiencing
emotionally is an important lesson for them to learn and grow forward. You
are not their spiritual teacher and you do not have the right to make anyone
change their thoughts or emotions. So don't try to change your parents thoughts
or emotions or words. Don't make them see the light the way you see it. They
will get there all in their own perfect time. You don't have to push them
forward. Hence stop feeling guilty or sorry or emotionally responsible for them.
4. Visualize that difficult person
laughing, being happy and joyful and dealing with you lovingly. If it is
your boss, you can see yourself laughing and joking with him/her at work. If it
is your mother in law, you can see her appreciating you more. If it is your
parent, you can view them having a great, peaceful and loving moment with you.
If it is your teenager, you can visualize him/her turning out perfect.
5. Reframe all situations and view them
in the best possible light. Often what is needed in a relationship is simply
a change of perspective through which you interpret the situation. Instead of
giving it the darkest, saddest, most difficult meaning or implication. Interpret
it in a lighter, funnier, happier or more joyful frame.
6. Change your expectations around that
relationship. Often what you consciously or unconsciously expect is what you
end up getting. For instance if you are expecting your kid to fall in with a bad
crowd and not do well in life, that is generally what happens. Or if you are
expecting your spouse or partner to cheat on you- for instance you are
constantly suspicious or jealous - that is what happens ultimately. So start
expecting the best in your relationship. Start expecting yourself into getting
along with that person successfully.
7. Trust in the universal process or God
that everything will turn out well in the end. Alls well that ends well. In
the end, when you have done your best, simply place your trust in the universal
powers, that you will get the best in return.
Every normal person wants their parents to grow
old with grace and have peace and love and joy to share with them. Yet,
often this does not happen. In such instances you can do your best by projecting
love and peace to them. And that is all you need to do.
By this practice, you will not only be
healing your own issues around that relationship, but you will also be
projecting some peace, love and healing to that other person.
But here you will say that they are making things
difficult for you, as if life is not already difficult. The added negativism,
demanding controlling attitude and insulting barbs are totally bringing you
down...
Well if you start feeling the love flowing
through you, stop judging them, and stop feeling the need to change them, you
will automatically change your perspective to their attitude. You will feel love
and compassion for them in all situations, and their negativism or verbal barbs
will stop hurting you, as you gently envelop them with love and peace.
But then you say, feeling and projecting the love
is all fine and good, but how do you practically get help in dealing with that
difficult manipulative person in your life.
In this situation, the only positive action you
can take to gracefully recover your own sanity and possibly even that of the
difficult person you are dealing with is through
Brainwave Meditation .
This can successfully help you in conquering your own personal demons. And
if you can make your parent or mother-in-law or teenager or even your boss
listen to it, it will definitely improve that difficult manipulative person's
attitude as well. Try it and see for yourself.
More Dealing With Difficult Manipulative People Articles:
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The
Author Shahnaz Rauf is a prolific writer with vast experience and
interests.
To find out more or contact her, use the contact
information at her website
http://www.snzeport.com
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