Yes, cheating is just a symptom - a symptom
of the deep seated emotional, psychological, or social problems that the
cheating partner in a relationship is facing and every symptom has a cure...
Cheating is not only an indication of
psychological problems in the cheating partner, but also a strong indicator of
problems in the non cheating partner as well. As here the question arises, how
is the non cheating partners behavior enforcing the cheater in the relationship.
Is the attitude of the non cheating partner somehow triggering the already deep
seated insecurities in their cheating partner?
There is a first time for everything - even
cheating. And as with every first time, there are a lots of ifs and buts and
'fear of doing something different' that a person has to overcome. Cheating
happens only when his or her emotional state has reached the peak point of
having overcome all the fears and objections that could possibly have held him
or her back from stepping into an 'unknown situation'.
Though cheating is often not planned or
premeditated beforehand consciously. However our subconscious mind keeps working
in the background and has reached a 'threshold'. Once that point has been
crossed than of course there is no easy pulling back.
Even though actual cheating may happen or
appear as a spontaneous event just because the 'perfect circumstances' simply
materialized... However a deep seated 'emotional or psychological need' is being
fulfilled in that moment and that is why it is considered perfect by the
So even though the first cheating episode may
appear like it was a 'got carried away' situation... Yet it was an event waiting
to happen. There was an insecure need waiting to surface, already present
in that person who got so carried away in the moment.
Men and women cheat for different reasons. To gain
an understanding of possible reasons of cheating, you may read the articles:
However it is a fact that The reasons for NOT
cheating were not compelling enough :
The original intimacy or passion had almost
disappeared or worn away from the relationship.
The cheating partner did not feel appreciated or
The element of trust in the relationship had
frittered down to very low.
Honest communication was almost non existent -
what was present was either outright avoidance / dismissal, or arguments, disagreements or
even loud fights. The two partners did not see eye-to-eye and did not handle
their discussions maturely.
The common goals or interests of the two partners
in the relationship were grossly diverging.
The self image and self confidence of the non
cheating partner or even both the partners was falling fast.
The expectations, suspicions or jealousy of the
non cheating partner simply triggered the event.
In such a situation, the person who already has
deep seated insecurities lurking around in his/her mind waiting to explode,
unconsciously starts feeling like a caged victim looking for an outlet... and simply
gets carried away with the flow of emotions into the world of cheating to
"maintain his / her sanity or gain sympathy, appreciation, understanding and
passion or excitement" from outside the relationship.
If both the partners in a relationship really want
to overcome cheating and bring their relationship back to the original footing
or even better, they first have to resolve the deep seated issues that are
lurking in both minds. This does not mean going for repetitive expensive therapy
sessions or counseling. Though it does need a strong commitment from both their
ends to win in their relationship and then the use of the right self help tools.