How to Deal With Relationship issues after
Cheating and Make up ...
After you have discovered your spouse is
cheating (or even if You have been cheating yourself), and you have faced up with your spouse about the cheating
episodes and all the events and proofs that lead you to the devastating
truth...
For sure your relationship with your spouse
is going to change. It cannot remain the same... even if you decide to
stay together and try to rebuild your faltering relationship... Yes, even
if you try to make up.
For one, the element of trust has taken a
blow. You will always have doubts lurking at the back of your mind about
whether you can trust your spouse and vice versa, after all he/she did cheat on you in
the past... even if he / she is back within the bounds of your
relationship and trying to do their best.
Your spouse on the other hand may be feeling
guilty about their cheating actions in the past. He/she may be
experiencing the guilt dialogue, this always triggers the lack of self
esteem or lack of confidence chain reaction in their minds and can impact
the relationship re-building seriously.
Besides the doubts about trusting a spouse
who cheated in the past, you may also start having self esteem issues, for
you are a chain link in the relationship too, and now you have the
following questions floating up in your conciousness:
-
How did I drive my spouse in to cheating?
-
Was I inadequate in some way to trigger this
cheating behavior?
-
Has my spouse accepted my weaknesses fully
now?
-
Am I really good enough for him/her?
-
Am I forcing myself in this relationship?
To Recap the main issues to deal
with in a relationship after cheating :
-
Lack of trust.
-
Guilt feelings on part of both the spouses
-
Shame or Self esteem issues.
-
Self confidence issues.
-
Anxiety when ever you feel something is
going off track again.
-
Stress due to anxiety, worrying and
unhealthy thoughts holding your mind captive.
-
Depression... this kicks in finally when
enough negative self talk has sabotaged your mind, building up stress and
anxiety to unhealthy limits.
How to deal with relationship issues after
cheating to Make up:
-
Practice forgiveness every time distrust or
negative thoughts float up in your mind. This will have to be an ongoing
frequent exercise.
-
Also Forgive yourself for your part in the
cheating episode.
-
Express unconditional love for your spouse /
partner every time those ugly thoughts threaten you.
-
Practice positive thinking and eliminate all
negative thoughts.
-
If you feel you need counselling or therapy to
help you eliminate the negative thoughts or stress and anxiety... try using
tapes and cd's as a much easier and more effective strategy. Tapes
& CD's
Rebuilding a relationship with your spouse
or partner after cheating has to be a 'two way affair' -- Both of You need
to agree on the main idea of continuing in the relationship and
rebuilding, even reinforcing and making it work. Dealing with relationship
issues after cheating can be hard work... particularly, If you have
not yet even faced up with your spouse about your cheating episode (s).
If you truly want to continue in your
present relationship happily, as a first step you are advised to read
Save My Marriage Today
or
Break Free From the Affair!
which ever you feel is more applicable to your situation. Next start
working on eliminating both yours and your partner's/spouse's negative
self talk (that will happen for sure due to the cheating, lying
and/or even stealing episodes in the past ) using
Tapes
& CD's
Else you may contact some relationship counselors to help
you sort out your issues. |