Break Up Self Help
How to feel better after a break up - How you feel after a break up











































Break up self help – How to feel better after a break up How you feel after a break up 

One of the main reasons you feel bad about a break up is because you think that is how you are supposed to feel. Next you start attaching unrealistic emotions to your breakup. And this starts to solidify those bad feelings in your mind in relation to the breakup.

According to Richard Bandler's meta-model theory - People don't experience reality directly but rather through the 'maps' of reality they create in their mind.

 Similarly, we are not living with people , we are living with our concept of them.

You get attracted to what your subconscious ego feels is missing in your own personality. And your love is filtered through the subconscious beliefs, habits and attitudes that have been instilled or programmed into your mind by society, culture, traditional values etc.

 My question to you is why do you need to find what is missing in you outside of yourself. Seek it within. Love yourself first. Cultivate the self image that you are subconsciously trying to attract through love. Become the love.

 You are holding on to that  relationship after a break up because you think it made you feel good. But did it really make you feel good?

This reliance upon conditions external to yourself for your 'feel good' feelings smacks a lot about a 'low self image'. No person thing or event can make you feel good or bad, unless you give it that power in your mind. Otherwise the idea of feeling good or bad is intrinsic to yourself.

  • for sure your partner may have taken you out and spent a lot of memorable fun times with you.

  • for sure your partner may have showered you with gifts and compliments that made you feel self important.

  • for sure your partner may have showered you with 'love' and made you feeling wanted and good in terms of emotions.

Yet the feeling of 'feeling good' is just like the elusive feeling of 'happiness'. Recent research has shown that you do not need any person, thing or event external to yourself to make you feel happy. There are lots of people in the world who have got every possible amenity... relationships, money, things, property, yet they do not feel happy or do not feel good about themselves. Then there are others, who don't have anything... no love, no friends, no money... yet they are quite happy and satisfied. They feel good about themselves, they feel good about being alive every day.

Lets look at it this way:

  • The drug addict needs drugs to make him/her feel good.

  • The alcoholic needs alcohol to make him/her feel good

  • The glutton needs lots of comfort food to make him/her feel good.

  • The avid shopper needs to shop continuously to feel good.

And You... you need your 'ex' to make you feel good.

Does it ring a bell? Do you really need your ex to make you feel good.

You could also feel good without him or her if you so decide. or you could also feel good in a new relationship with someone. Or you could just feel good by yourself. It's all within your power. You just need to decide to feel good hence forth.

Here is an exercise for you to make you feel better:

 Can you make a list of things that you like about yourself. It could cover all your abilities, attitudes, accomplishments, achievements etc. Basically anything that made you feel good about yourself however small, in all the days of your past life.

 Hey, don't tell me that you have nothing that you like about yourself, or no accomplishments, or abilities, or beliefs, or in-fact anything... This would go to prove my thesis that you really do need a massive boost in your self esteem.

Here is a quote from Anthony Robbins to explain my point:

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take."... Anthony Robbins

So could it be that your relationship failed in the first place because though your partner made you feel good, yet you did not make him/her feel good enough?

Remember the only way you can make someone feel good is to first feel good about yourself. And you do not need anything external to yourself to feel good. So start feeling good now.

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The Author Shahnaz Rauf is a prolific writer with vast experience and interests.
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